


Anchor

by Close_enough_to_lose



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: 2doc - Freeform, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Character Study, Codependence, Implied Sexual Content, Introspection, M/M, mentions of abuse, this isn't supposed to be cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 10:06:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18163793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Close_enough_to_lose/pseuds/Close_enough_to_lose
Summary: With Murdoc asleep beside him, 2D reflects upon their relationship





	Anchor

**Author's Note:**

> hello there! this is a very small piece i wrote today, it's not super polished, nor does it really have a plot, but i do hope you enjoy it either way. I'm trying to post more experimental/low effort stuff in between bigger projects.
> 
> just a disclaimer: this isn't supposed to be cute, their relationship is screwed, and this is a vent piece.

Tossing and turning in bed, 2D is unable to fall asleep. Despite Murdoc's regular breathing beside him, despite the warmth that emanated from his skin, 2D could not find any peace of mind. He tries not to make too much noise as he props himself up to sit up with his back against the bed frame. It makes an unpleasant creaking noise, and 2D winces. He hopes it does not wake Murdoc up, because the last thing he needed was the brunt of the older man's wrath.

2D sighs silently. He knows that in the morning he would be kicked out of the bed with insults and blows; for every night 2D fell asleep in Murdoc's arms, the next day those same arms would be used to hurt him.

2D doesn't know why he kept following the routine, why he never broke the pattern. He doesn't know why he inevitably fell into Murdoc's bed every other night. He doesn't know why he is so easily swayed by a few moments of pleasure when he knows that they are oh so fleeting, that they would inevitably be followed by pain.

But he cannot resist Murdoc, who strokes his ego just like he stroked his skin, only to bruise it later. 

Murdoc calls him a God, his most important possession, his bluebird. Murdoc ties his shoelaces, shares his clothes with him, and makes sure he is never alone on a bad trip. In the dead of night, Murdoc begs for 2D and for his touch. In private, Murdoc wants to be controlled — lets 2D control him — and 2D is grateful for the power he can exercise.

Yet Murdoc does everything to keep him at bay; he calls him worthless, the worst thing that has ever happened to him, his burden. Murdoc makes him dependent, steals everything precious to him, and makes sure that 2D is isolated, devoted only to him. Murdoc is controlling and violent, and 2D is powerless against him.

2D tells himself he could leave Murdoc at any moment if he wanted to. He still has his family. He knows he is talented enough to make music on his own. There was nothing tying him to Murdoc. Murdoc, in fact, stifles his creativity, even though he was, paradoxically, his muse. 2D knows his music wouldn't be the same without Murdoc. He doesn't know if that's a good or a bad thing.

One thing he is sure of, however, is that Murdoc needs him. More than 2D needs Murdoc, no matter the manipulation and mind games that sometimes make him believe otherwise. But 2D did not have the heart to leave. Not after he had been bewitched by Murdoc’s rare gentle touch. Not after the nights Murdoc breathed his name with adoration. And certainly not after the nights Murdoc would wake up in cold sweat cue to a nightmare, shivering, looking for an anchor to cling to.

So 2D stays, because he knows Murdoc planted his roots in him a long time ago. He listens to Murdoc’s commands and endures his blows. He holds Murdoc when he stumbles and wipes the tears Murdoc would never admit to have cried. He wordlessly leaves Murdoc's bed the next morning and pretends they never shared any intimacy. Wash, rinse, repeat, until one of them explodes.

2D doesn't know if it's love. He supposes it is and it isn't at the same time. When he thinks of his past relationships he had in the past, he cannot remember a single partner who could endure him for longer than a few months. Some cheated, some left on amicable terms. Murdoc, in that sense, is special. While he is violent, he is, nevertheless, always there during 2D’s ups and downs. He is aggressive, hostile, and difficult to be around, but never absent. And for 2D, whose grasp on reality was often faint, any constant presence is reassuring. He supposes Murdoc is an anchor of sorts for him too.

Murdoc shifts in the bed, interrupting 2D’s thoughts. 2D shudders. Not yet ready to confront an angry Murdoc, he hopes he doesn’t wake up. He holds his breath, waiting to see what happens. Murdoc simply turns and snuggles closer into 2D’s chest. His heart clenches. 2D runs his hand through the thick black hair and it occurs to him:

No matter their past, he cannot imagine himself by anyone else's side in the future.

And it doesn't matter if it is love or not.

It simply was.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this please dont forget to kudo! also check out my other Gorillaz fics, im currently working on a multichapter one which is a retelling of the lore except murdoc is trans, you can find it here: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/17181239>
> 
> Also, if you see a typo or something, please dont hesitate to tell me!


End file.
